jic can divide by zero. (it's how I prove the existence of the Trinity mathematically.)
Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a jic glare will liquefy your kidneys. (this is why my children know when to just do what they're told.)
jic grinds her coffee with her teeth and boils the water with her own rage. (and that would be why vampireborg gave me a French Press -- boiling water with my rage was less useful with the drip coffeemaker.)
When jic enters a room, she doesn't turn the lights on, she turns the dark off. (strangely, either action uses the same switch.)
jic starts everyday with a protein shake made from Carnation InstantBreakfast, one dozen eggs, pure Colombian cocaine, and rattlesnakevenom. She injects it directly into her neck with a syringe. (and I tell you, that syringe is HUGE.)
Instead of having a cigarette after sex, jic heads outside and brands her cattle. (fortuitously, I no longer have sex OR cattle.)
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures jic allows to live. (everyone on my flist is on that list. So are your pets.)
jic doesn't wear a watch. She decides what time it is. (right now, it's time for bed.)

http://blog.esaba.com/projects/facts/index.php