There's a conversation in sg_workshop about The Joy of Beta (members only, sorry). I want my response to be heard, but to post it there would feel like 1) I'm whining or 2) I want to suck the joy out of everyone else's experience.

Well, I am kind of whining, but I don't want to be their buzzkill, so I'm posting my responses here.

I feel so negative!
The general questions of discussion are in bold.

--Do you use a beta? For all your stories? For some of them?
I'd love to have betas, but I make do with simply posting what I have and waiting for someone to have the balls to say, "You have a big-ass plot hole right there." This has actually happened once, and was my second best beta experience ever.

--How did you find your betas?
There was the instance mentioned above.
Then there was the time I just posted un-beta'd on list and got a volunteer, but it seemed to turn out she just wanted sneak previews. Maybe that's not really the case, but all the beta comments just felt like generic cheerleading -- there was no meaningful critique and my grammar just isn't bad enough to need all that much help.
There was the time I went to an author who I really, really admired and asked her for beta. While her point that Krycek's behavior was not justified for the characterization was eventually taken, the presentation was more "What evil-bad thing happened in your past that makes you believe people react that way?" Not my best experience.
My best -- by which I mean most constructive, most critical, most story oriented -- beta experience was actually from patchwork23, who is not in fandom as I know it. He only beta'd for me once, alas, but the most memorable comment was that the entire first scene was unnecessary: all the information there was repeated in later exposition, and the inter-character dynamic was easily revealed in the next scene. I found him on classmates.com; we had dated during my senior year of high school.

--What’s your process—e-mail? IM? Chat? All of the above?
Mostly e-mail. I haven't done so well in chat. Once the story is written enough for me to send to beta, it's fairly rutted in, and it takes a backhoe to change things significantly. I need some time to mull over, agree, and tweak.

--When do you seek out a beta’s help? Mid-story? When you’ve got a complete first draft?
I'd like to get feedback as early as germination -- when I first get the idea and can ask, "Is this worth writing at length, or is it just a cute fantasy?" Because really, I sometimes can't tell the difference (I'm getting better though.)

--What kind of comments do you look for from a beta? Structure/flow/characterization? Grammar and typos? All of the above? Do you seek different things from different people, or have multiple stages of beta? Do you ask specific questions of your betas, or do you want them to read and react to the story cold, as it were?
Please God, send me a beta who can do structure/flow/characterization work.
I appreciate notification of grammar errors and typos, but that's not what I really need a beta for. Shucks, I've done beta for other people's grammar and typos. And if I leave the fic to sit for a couple weeks, it's all new to me anyway and I can do that level myself.
I sometimes ask questions, particularly fact-check questions or "Does this response make sense given the characterization in the fic?" (which worked best with Patchwork since he wasn't in fandom.)

--How do you incorporate conflicting beta comments?
I've never had more than one beta, and certainly not more than one speaking to anything other than grammar/typos. But I'd probably go with the ones that 1) I agreed with, 2) came from the more trusted person, or 3) had the longest comment supporting the suggestion.

--If you’ve beta’ed for others, what is your reading/critiquing process?
I'm partial to MS Word with Track Changes and Comments. I like to read once through cold (marking any grammar stuff I notice on the way), and then go back for a second run focusing on flow, and (if I were good enough) a third run for plot holes and inconsistent characterization. The third run, though, is my personal weak spot and what I really wish someone would crit for me. *le sigh*

On that note, I'm not only willing, I've been known to change fic that's been posted publicly in response to thoughtful con-crit. So *cough* if any kind soul has the urge, feel free.