I want to give up because I'm tired of hurting like this.  I'm tired of having to keep myself busy every minute of every day just to keep from crying.  I'm tired of balancing on the peak of this roof trying to be neither too distant nor too cozy.  I'm tired of searching for the right words.  I'm tired of chastising myself for bitterness that slips out when I'm not paying attention.

But if I give up, then the anger will surface, and I won't like myself for causing him pain.  The anger will surface, and I will regret the wounds I cause with words.  The anger will surface, and I'll lose a friend -- a friend I've loved long and dearly and with whom I wanted to share more.

Do I actually still have this friend in the first place?