Do normal people feel like this all the time?  This constant dread whispering "what if I'm not good enough?" at every turn?

How long should I live with this fear before I find a different job?  When I leave, will I be protecting myself or fleeing from a challenge?

Has my life been ridiculously easy until now?  Am I a coward?  Am I a princess in her tower, the subject of mockery? "She thinks she has it so tough.  She doesn't even know."

I don't even know.  I am fortunate to have good friends, including co-workers and roommates.  Maybe I'm not as fucked up as I feel.

My cat, Alex, is currently on top of the blu-ray player, which is on top of the home theater, which is on top of a 42-inch DVD cabinet, turning in circles like a dog until he has finally settled down...

but not until after his extreme surprise that he knocked down a Netflix envelope.

I'm reading startrekbigbang.  I blame lazulisong.

And I have no opinion on anything to do with AO3 or OTW -- except possibly that politicking is really hard on friendships, which may be simply me projecting my experiences with fucking Kumoricon.

or so it turns out.

Funny how it's easier to leave feedback for a complete stranger than for someone with whom you used to be friends and then they quit returning your calls.

Just sayin'

Apparently I need to buy Final Fantasy 7. And possibly Persona 3.

I interviewed for a promotion today at work. It's possibly the sixth or seventh such interview in the last 18 months. I feel good about it, but I also felt good about the others.

*crosses fingers*

Update: Didn't get it. Now I'm just biding my time until my vacations are over so I can apply elsewhere.

Done with rats and mice....
Started back up with PartyLite (having so much fun!)
Soon will have additional roommates: MFH and Wifey (may change callsign), and their puppies.
Most favoritest boss ever quit and went to another company. I'm giving his replacement some time before I jump ship (which I may not do).
Started an eventing club with some friends. Good times shall ensue! (I love being organized.)

Most recently re-reading one of my old philosophy textbooks: Ethics. I kinda really want to inflict on my offspring (including Girlchild).

I can't even remember what all else. Somebody ask questions.

I am disproportionately proud of my success with rodent trapping. I heard it go off so I got to deal with it right away.

(Not to mention I'm the only one awake right now. That may be why I'm telling y'all instead of housemates.)

:D

http://www.cmt.com/videos/christian-kane/578742/the-house-rules.jhtml

Not that I actually made it into the video, but I was there during the filming! *squee* (I probably won't faint.)

http://minnesotaindependent.com/61801/target-targeted-over-pro-emmer-ad

As usual, there are ways and ways to respond.

http://minnesotaindependent.com/64848/group-to-donate-150k-to-even-out-target-donation-to-mn-forward

http://www.commondreams.org/video/2010/09/15-2 <- worlds of awesome

If my boss says, "I wouldn't want jic as an enemy," and the IT guy says, "I already knew that," should I re-examine my character?

( Yeah, yeah. It's been a long time. )

So, I'm keeping on keeping on. More highs than lows. Go me!

Happy Mother's Day, queenpeil

Getting better - only took to skip=240 to catch up this time :)

In personal news, I can't keep June and July straight for love or money or, in particular, requesting vacation time. Blech.

Had a partying-hard weekend last, er, weekend. Five events (four of which were at my house) in three days. Dude. Whoa. And I started it off by getting in a fight with the meat slicer and losing. I did NOT bleed on any of the cucumber. ( skip if you're squeamish )

I think I have a family of robins nesting above my deck.

More has happened in the really, really long time since I posted anything meaningful, but I think I'll go read fic for another hour and go to bed.

PS - got a raise.

I hit the wall at Skip=300, and I'm not sure I was caught up.

I think I was close, though. April 7?

very slowly: "The information we give to your credit card company so they can pay us is . . . hearsay?"

deadpan: "No, children are hard to ship."

I went to my parents' house in Coos Bay for my birthday and a few days before Christmas. The boys and I had a good time lazing about and having family meals and playing games and going to see Avatar (which I enjoyed). It should be noted, though, that driving 200 miles to see a movie is not, in fact, cheaper than going to a Regal Cinema in Portland. It was close, though.

So I'm home, and even though December continues to lurk in its lurky way just waiting to spring on me with a double helping of misery, this is unequivocally my best Christmas in a very long time. It's the first Christmas since 9/11 that I haven't actively felt poor. I think part of it is the overall quality of living, a significant part of it is having an actual partner and co-parent in the house, and a good part of it may be that I didn't set myself up for failure by making shopping lists in September.

Of course, the surprise gift from my mother's eldest son didn't hurt either, seeing as how it was essentially an extra paycheck plunked into my lap. I need to get that thank-you note done before the boys go to their dad's. I think I'll write an annual newsletter, too. Later.

Recent (i.e., within the last 3 months) highlights:
butterfly's cousin "Grace" (not her real name, as ever) moved in.
Dawlmesh's daughter moved in, and will henceforth be referred to as Daughter. She fits between Son2 and Son3 in age.
Dawlmesh and I negotiated for a lease-option on the manor with thegrungediva.
butterfly will be moving out in about a week. I have hope that once roommate angst is in the past, our friendship can rebuild. Of course, that depends on how bitter she is that I made the call before she was really ready to go. *crosses fingers*
Hours at work got cut from 40 to 36 - so I still have dental benefits, but the paychecks are a wee bit smaller.
The tax code got updated, so I'll be claiming all three boys this year instead of letting KOP have one. Before it didn't make a difference; now it does.
And stuff happened. *shrug*

( The TV I want - because folks have asked.... )

"Some parts of this place are off-limits to nerds." -- Supernatural

So nice that we WEREN'T treated like this at the Portland Hilton for Kumoricon.

http://www.scienceblog.com/cms/humans-monkeys-fall-uncanny-valley-26184.html

The uncanny valley is a dip in the graph of positive response vs realism of a human representation.

"Movie-goers may not be familiar with the term, but they understand that it is far easier to love the out-of-proportion cartoon figures in the "The Incredibles," for example, than it is to embrace the more realistic-looking characters in "The Polar Express." Viewers, to many a Hollywood director's consternation, are emotionally unsettled by images of artificial humans that look both realistic and unrealistic at the same time."

The article addresses only the realism of the images. It does not explore personal constraints on what "looks realistic." I wonder if the very earliest race-based revulsion was related. I wonder if the more racist people now are those with the narrowest definition of what people "should" look like.

Even so, no matter what one's gut says about whether someone "looks right," the part of the mind that controls behavior needs to suck it up and treat people with respect.